When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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