So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
