i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize