I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
