it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
