Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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