I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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