I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
