he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
