So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Send help, water and tortillas.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize