We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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