coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
