First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
