Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
