They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
