im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
