just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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