Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
