I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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