Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
