Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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