I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
