Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
