my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
