Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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