Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
