And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
