You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
