I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
