Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
