my shit smells like andre
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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