i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
