PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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