you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
