but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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