yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
