When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
