Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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