Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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