You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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