for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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