wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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