I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
