No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
