you win again, gameday.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
