how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
