I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
