shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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