Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
