new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well you can't waste a boner
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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