clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
