hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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