Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
