I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
