Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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