it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
