My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
