Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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