I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
