Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
