I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize