My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
