the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dear god my vagina.
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