if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
