I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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