that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
