If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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