hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
