Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
