No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
