nut hugger
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
