I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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