White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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