dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
