theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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