It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
