The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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