I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
