Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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