We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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