and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize