Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
not ubering you a puppy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
