After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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