hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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