She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
