Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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