Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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