nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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