please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
