Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
