My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
