is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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