i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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