Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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