It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
