Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet

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(716): View more from New York

u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

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(913): View more from Kansas

You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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(845): View more from New York

"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"

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(315): View more from New York

I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit

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