Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We left an ass print on the piano.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize