my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize