never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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