so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
