My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
