I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
why is half of my head shaved?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
