Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
