Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
