That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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