After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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