Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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