well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
