I could have mohawked her pubes.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
