I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
