She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
smell my finger.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
