nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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