The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
