Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
