I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
