either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
