I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize