i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
