O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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