Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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