i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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