Pappa wants mamma naked
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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