You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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