On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
